Incomplete Breakfast

You know, I used to really like Zooey Deschanel. I first saw her on the weird Sci-Fi channel miniseries “The Tin Man,” (essentially a Wizard Of Oz fanfiction/retelling/bastardization) and I liked her a lot despite my disappointment with the actual series. In ‘Elf*’ I related to her apathetic Daria-like attitude that was really just a cool exterior meant to cover up her secret singing-beautifully-in-the-shower interior. Her indie style and cute face gave me a bit of a lesboner (and I’ll admit I’m really envious of her hair).

But when “500 Days Of Summer” trailers came out, I couldn’t even try to get excited. The movie was so terrible I couldn’t even finish it.

Now she is starring in The New Girl, a show about a socially awkward girl that tries to recover from a devastating breakup by living with three hot guys that totally hate her but oh not really because her ditzy hijinx are so endearing.

She can’t say penis, only “pee pee and bubbles” or other inane baby talk for genitalia. The series description states that she is in her late twenties. I can understand why somebody would use that kind of dumb language around children (supposedly she is an elementary school teacher) but most adults know there is a time and place for that kinda thing.

The second she accidently walks in on her roommate dancing naked to reggae, rather than act embarrassed and pretend it never happened (the adult thing to do), the first thing she does is blabs about it to the other two male roommates and then publicly humiliates the guy whose junk she saw. He is so traumatized he can’t even ‘do it’ with the coworker he went on a date with.

The solution to alleviate the awkwardness between Zooey and said roommate? ‘Get naked and show him yours!’ I mean I have no problem with public display of nudity. But that is in no way a mature way to settle an awkward situation that is only awkward because you made it a thousand times more awkward than it needs to be.

This show makes a character that LITERALLY can NOT function in society without somebody telling her how. She is completely dependent on those around her, such as her ex-boyfriend, best girl model friend, and the three random dudes she met on craigslist. She’s cute, but without somebody telling her how to act she would probably chase butterflies until a mack truck hits her on the highway.

Ultimately, Zooey’s portrayal on The New Girl reminds me of another character from a tv comedy: Rita Leeds (Charlize Theron) on Arrested Development.

Really, when you watch from the perspective of a a bunch of bros who suddenly find themselves as caretakers to a developmentally challenged individual, the show takes on a whole new meaning.

*Elf=another Manic Pixie story, just with a boy

Incomplete Breakfast

Why I Hate The New Girl